Our Monkeying Days...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

So it really has come down to this...the so-called Plan Bs...or in my case, the plan Cs and Ds...I guess I honestly never thought much about what I'd do if it ends up like this...Rather...I had hoped with all my heart that something like that will never happen...But guess I've been proven wrong again. If you ask me now what it is I'm planning to do with my life/uni/career path...all i can say is, "I really don't know." On one hand, I can always still go to lse to fulfill my career aspiration as a lawyer. However, deep down inside I'm afraid. Not so much that I'll miss my parents and friends, which I definitely will but should be able to handle and get used to after a while, but that I've never been one to have a strong body. I count the number of times I've suffered migraines in the past few years, and I'm afraid of my ability to take care of myself when I go to a place where I'll have no one to depend on, where I'll only have me to rely on even when the headaches are unbearable. Then of course there's the fact that I now doubt my capabilities of being a lawyer. Honestly, I didn't think I would be that bad, but then I'm standing from a biased point of view, and sometimes it takes an outsider to determine that...And for NUS to say i'm not good enough for them, I wonder if I'll ever be good enough for any law firm even if I should just stubbornly pursue what I want to do regardless of the consequences. Then on the other hand, there is the option of staying in Singapore to do accountancy, be it at NUS, SMU or NTU. Asking me to suddenly change my mind and embrace my career as an accountant though, is really easier said than done. I mean, I've always wanted to study law since I was in secondary school, and to ask me to erase all that I've envisioned for myself in a day, or within these couple of months is really impossible. You know, I've honestly never felt so lost before in my life, like everything has gone the other way from what I've planned and hoped, and that I'm suddenly supposed to replan everything when I'm already not in the mood to do any more thinking. What's worse is that everyone around me will be innocently asking me for good news, and then I'll have to deliver my bad news to them. I'm not blaming them...I understand they really didn't mean any harm...just that now what I really need is some alone time, to seriously think about what I plan to do with myself, and my future...

-XL

~*10:09 AM*~

Comments: Post a Comment